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I believe in manifestation with acceleration.

In other words, I dream of things and then I throw my all into them until something sticks. Fortunately for me, writing fiction is something I actually enjoy (unlike my many attempts to knit things) and so I'm ending this year and kicking off the next one by starting my own author website. Are my works still in progress? Yes. Have I been published? Absolutely not. Does anyone know I'm writing a book? Maybe 5 people. Does any of that matter? A resounding NO!

If you are here at the beginning, buckle up. If you're coming to this years down the road when I'm theoretically living my best author life, also buckle up. As the wisest lyricist of the grunge rap 90s said, "This shit's about to get heavy." (That's Eminem for all you young folk out there.)

Oh, also...none of this will be safe for work. You've been fairly warned.

You ever just get so caught up in your craft you forget you have a website with a blog. No?

Well here's my update from DECEMBER of last year. It's safe to say a lot has happened...

• I finished and submitted my short story This Old Kentucky Home to the Bluegrass Writers Coalition Short Story contest. Sorry to be Alfred Hitchcock with the results on that but...you'll have to wait :D

• I'm currently working with two amazing critique partners who both hold my sanity up by the thin threads wrapped around it and inspire me with their creativity and beautiful writing.

• I am 98% done with Revision #1 on Love You Forever. Revision #2 is going to be painful but going back through this story has been so much fun. Whatever becomes of it, I have thoroughly enjoyed the ride my imagination has taken me on.

• That being said...I do have future plans for LYF and they might include a second book because my brain has already been tossing those ideas around.

• I also have ideas for a totally different story brewing around. I've found a system for planning/plotting/setting up scene sequences that works really well for me so looking forward to utilizing that in my next revision and projects.

And that's it...for now! Potentially planning to attend some writer's conferences but for now, just keeping at what I love most which is writing and then re-reading and realizing I might not know how to write 😄

Haha, like what I did there?

Also, like what I did HERE?! This website was a labor of love but so far, she's beautiful. 🥲

Back to the topic at hand, anxiety. Being an unpublished writer in the throes of editing one novel while planning for the next one and trying to remember to embrace rather than run from my creative outlet (ahem, writing!), I do occasionally (read: often) awake in a sweat in the early AM hours. It's one of the many side effects of imposter syndrome and I don't even know if there will ever be a validating moment that will eliminate all thoughts of doubt. Until then, I'm going to try to put myself out there, throwing MYSELF at the wall until I stick. 

There is no moral to this post. No happy ending. Just a thought. I have a mountain of papers to read. I DID finish my query letter today and I've decided to be happy with it at present because if I stare at it again tomorrow, I'll find a way to rewrite the whole damn thing. I am desperate for a moment of not feeling like I'm speeding down the hill without my brakes in order but then what would I do?

Exactly.

So cheers to the uncomfortable, frustrating, disheartening emotions that riddle this human soul because alas, they fuel the words that allow me to escape the horrors abound. 

After some months of edits and imposter syndrome (and the mundane existence of a human adult in their first home which happens to be a fixer upper because $$$$!!!!), I'm taking this story to the streets! AKA I'm querying! 🙀

Writing a synopsis was the most painful experience in all my writing career. I will have to do again one day. I will feel the same way. 

Let's all collectively manifest some good energy into my crazy dream that started less than a year ago and has quickly consumed my life. Find your passion as it whizzes past you and hop abound, hold on tight!

Cheers!

In other news, I have a sequel nearly outlined (ending, why so hard?) and a couple scenes drafted/sketched. AND I CAN'T WAIT! This is such a fun thing to do, continue a story. My characters have new layers we get to peel back and the settings get to pop. (Hello more iconic locations of St. Louis!)

So all in all we call this a good day. 

The past few months have been dedicated to buckling down and drafting book two of Love You Forever (series name to be announced). I've also been doing a lot of research, not just for the book (which there has been A TON and I'm obsessed with how it has helped make the setting come alive), but also into publishing.

I did not embark on writing a book to get published originally. I just had a fleeting thought in the car one day and recorded a voice memo to myself. Then I started writing the scene/hallucination. Then I kept the story going. Then I threw that entire story away and tried again. Then I threw THAT story away (well, I kept a few of those scenes), outlined, and finished the first draft of LOVE YOU FOREVER right before the holidays in the winter of 2023. 

I learned a lot about myself, about my writing, about the craft as a whole with that book.

With this book, my yet-to-be-named-but-getting-there continuation of the story, I've been learning a lot about the profession. I've learned about eBook and print formatting (my beta readers were my first experiment with that!). I've reached out to some other successful authors and got the inside scoop on distribution, copyrights, and companies to work with. 

I'm torn between self publishing and traditional publishing as the end of this book looms nearer. I am working in this hybrid format of both curating a book to be self published (including learning how and designing my own cover!) and querying agents for the traditional route. In fact, I edited my query letter this morning.

I don't let many into the innerworkings of my mind. Actually...I rarely let anyone in. It's a cold, dark, unwelcoming place not meant for others to see. But I want anyone reading this to know I am analyzing and calculating and planning my next move. What will it be? A mystery to us all. 😉

The hardest part is the end.

This begs true when I'm drafting and now, when I'm publishing. I'm impatient. I see the goal post. But I also see everything that needs to happen to get there and a whole lot of it is outside of my control. With makes my eye twitch.

I know I will persevere, look back on this time as a mere blip but right now, it feels chaotic. 

HOWEVER - the book itself is good. Like, can't believe I wrote this good. And ARCs have been out for over a month now. So the story is no longer mine. (I mean, it is. I got the copyright and everything but poetically) Its Izzy's and Noah's and Vahagn's and Charlie's and YOURS - the reader's.  Take it. Love it. Hate it. Throw it across the room. It exists now and there is no going back.

I begin revision work for Love You Madly this week with hopes to get it out by late Spring/early Summer next year. This is optimistic but doable. So if you don't hear from me until then, you know why!

Love You Forever has officially been out for over a month now. Sales have slowed a little (albeit, there was not much hype to begin with as I am but a speck on this planet hurtling through space) but alas, I have not. 

I hit a bit of a lull at the beginning of the month with the same old demons that have haunted me since youth crept in through the recesses of my mind. I took a step back from marketing and social media for a bit to remind myself who I am. Turns out, I'm voraciously creative! I have added words not only to Love You Madly, book two of the La Fleur de Lis Trilogy, but also to other book ideas. That don't include vampires. Or fantasy! Or are even adult! 😉

It's been exhilarating being back in my own mind without feeling like I need to compare to what I see online.

I, of course, cannot wait to share all these ideas with everyone but I'll be patient and channel all that energy into writing and creating.

See you out there,

x Cortni

I am roughly 73% done with the first revision of Love You Madly. I took a different approach with this book in terms of the order in which I go through my edits. It's an expedited route, making me feel slightly unhinged in the process, but also leaves my impatient soul satisfied. There are so many details in this second book though so I'm trying to be cognizant of that and make sure nothing gets lost along the way. That being said, I'll send a copy to my gracious beta team at the beginning of next month and get a brief reprieve. I'm hoping to explore some of my other projects after I release LYM which means....book three will have a longer turnaround time. 

One book a year is quick in publishing though, especially as someone who doesn't do this full time. Squeezing in the time to write and edit while maintaining a full time career, many (too many?) hobbies, friendships, AND devoted obsession to my amazing husband is an achievement. I'm proud of the life I'm building and I'm planning to make it sustainable. I love this story and I love the stories in my back burner. 

Prepare to be hurt with this trilogy though. I would apologize but I did it on purpose. 

x Cortni

I love goal setting, I truly do. Last year I set a goal to finish book two in three months and I beat it, finishing about two weeks ahead of schedule. Then I had a goal of publishing Love You Forever three months after that. And I did it again. 

Meeting your goals in life is fulfilling.

Not meeting your goals in life is reality. 

My goal for 2025 (and at the time of setting it, it was a realistic goal - all goals need to be realistic for me) was to publish Love You Madly, the next book in the trilogy, on May 31st. That's my own nonna's birthday and it felt like a special way to honor her. But then January was marked with crazy health related delays that have lasted for months. And then I was dealing with stressors elsewhere and my grip on control of my timeline started to slip. 

I would lie if I said admitting defeat on a goal doesn't suck. It fucking sucks. But I also won't be giving up. I'm opening the latch on the flood gates and releasing some of the control I thought I had over this project. 

Book two will still be released this year. The edits are nearly done to the point I would send them to ARC readers. I am struggling with new design software for the cover and haven't even started on paperback formatting.

However, if there is anything I am, it's relentless.

x Cortni